Mrs Monkeyfeet: 20 Steps To Get Ready for A Night Out

OK the youngest is now in a good routine and you have no reason not to enjoy a girls night out. It's been months since you had one but it's so much preparation, can you manage, do you have the energy?

Can you remember those Saturdays you spent mooching round town choosing an outfit buying expensive make up, then having a nana nap, a leisurely shower and taking time over your makeup? You do? Well put those thoughts to the very back of your mind. You have kids now, things are VERY different.

Here's my easy guide to getting ready for a night out when you are responsible for 3 children ( this actually applies to almost any number of children but I'm crazy enough to have three !)

1 Set your alarm early so you can shower before everyone gets up. Wash your hair, this may be the only shower you manage today MAKE IT COUNT. If anything needs shaving (personal choice obviously) do that now. If you are wearing jeans/trousers etc you can skip the legs. I mean winter is coming so why bother right?

2 Get the kids some breakfast and dry your hair while they are eating, you'll probably have to do this in the same room as them in order to look like a responsible parent.

3 Weigh up these options... you can either straighten your hair and pray for dry weather or twist it into pin curls and look like a loon all day but have lovely curls tonight...

4 Entertain the children for the morning with some crafts, whilst they are distracted destroying your dining table with glue and glitter, paint your fingernails and hope the kids don't require any assistance until this coat is dry. Please note if you are given the luxury of pooing without company, this is the perfect time to paint your toenails! Multitasking is the name of this game!

5 Make lunch and apply a second coat of nail varnish to fingernails whilst children are eating.

6 Take the kids out to let them run wild, this will ensure they fall asleep quickly tonight and you can sneak out.

7 come home and cook something for dinner that will not leave a lasting odour in your hair! Waffles and nuggets whilst holding no nutritional value fit the bill!

8 Get your partner to bathe the children and go put your makeup on, if you have to bathe the children yourself please do this before any attempt at makeup. They wil sense your upcoming freedom and sabotage you with a face full of water.

9 Realise you haven't checked your outfit for fit, cleanliness or need of ironing.

10 Realise it doesn't fit has snot on it and looks like it's been tied in knots

11 Select another outfit.

12 Spot another snot stain.

13 Select another outfit and lay carefully on bed.

14 Take eldest children to bed with promises of sweets and treats if they go straight to sleep.

15 Settle the baby to bed

16 Creep out of her room and sneak to your bedroom putting on your third choice outfit, grab your shoes andhead stealthily out the door whispering last minute instructions to whoever is in charge ( this will no doubt be your partner as no one else is mad enough to volunteer to babysit 3 children)

17 Discover a baby related stain on your outfit and simply wipe it with a baby wipe you've past caring and there are no more options left.

18 Put your shoes on outside (so the kids don't hear the clip clop of you heading down the hall) and run, run to your rendezvous point ringing your friends en route to pre order your drink so it's ready.