Are You Kind?

Now I know you have all clicked thorough probably a little curious as to why I asked that? Am I about to start showing off my kind deeds to you all? Or perhaps you are feeling a little indignant that I should even ask! Well let me explain what I really want to know is,

Are you kind to yourself?

Today I was invited by the lovely We Are Sparkle, to attend a Business Confidence talk by Sharon MacArthur from Red Handbag . The talk was great and Sharon brought up some brilliant points about not trying to be like everyone else and appreciating your uniqueness, having the confidence to say no, building a team (or a tribe I like to think of it as) being brave and not worrying about the things you can't control.

 

All very sensible and valid points but half way through after the question 'when did yo last say well done to yourself?' I felt the familiar bubble of tears!!

OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO CRY! In a room full of strangers, for no tangible reason and with no explanation I could feel it coming! Luckily the Sparkle Lasses had provided chocolate so I ate my tears away with a mini fudge and carried on. But it took me by surprise and it didnt go away! It's made me realise that for a little while I've been feeling a bit disconnected and discombobulated! I should set the scene for you....

I used to be a really confident proffessional, running shows and looking after a whole Theatre on my todd with no issues. I could talk through evacuation procedures with the firefighters, heck Im even a trained door supervisor. But returning from my first maternity leave left a gap in my confidence and I guess that has just grown, so as I gave up my career and became a stay at home mum I guess my confidence just dwindled. This in itself is a huge mental adjustment. But I didnt realise quite how much until Wednesday when I realised that mentally I had made about 10 excuses not to attend the event. I knew I would be late (the logistical nightmare of school runs etc) and I would have to walk into a room full of strangers BUT I made myself go and everyone was lovely and kind and intereting and INTERESTED

I have though, spend all day in a tizzy, I think of myself as a really positive person and I talk of silver linings a lot but proffessionally Im so busy concentrating on what I haven't done that Im missing what I have acheived and its starting to spill into my personal life. Today made me realise a lot of unkind things that Im doing to myself and Im going to bare my soul and tell you about them

Emotional Eating - I admit it Im an emotional eater and my weight gain over Christmas has triggered a vicious circle of comfort eating and disliking myself even more, so comfort eating even more. But loading my body with sugar salt and rubbish really has an effect on my mood and health.

Being Hard on Myslef -this list is endless, I havent ironed in weeks, I havent sorted the loft, the house is untidy the fidge needs a clean.... I shant go further I know you know the drill.

Self Sacrifice - OK its not as dramatic as it sounds Im not offering myself to some volcano to save an island! But I havent gone for a haircut, night out, half an hour of peace even, for a long time. I don't make any time for myself and even my planned peaceful bath's never last more than 10 minutes. Today Sharon asked if you could have 30 mintes just for you what would you do and honestly Id like to sit still and quiet and listen to my thoughts!

Listening to My Inner Bully - You know the one Im talking about, your inner voice the one who tells you that you look awful in that photo, the house is shameful, you missed your target or didnt complete the list. We are so hard on ourselves and you know what if someone actually spoke like that to our children/bestie/family we would be the first to leap in and defend them. So why oh why do we (I mean why dont I!) shut that inner voice up with a, yeah it may be a rubbish photo but look at the fun we are having, or yep the house is a mess but see how happy my kids are? They dont care....

Now I'll be honest with you, I normally end these types of posts with an uplifting plan filled paragraph of how things will get better, but Im afaid not today. I can say all of these things that Ive realised today but Ive not yet got a plan, Ive just got a tear streaked face and the knowledge that something has to change this mummy does not want her kids growing up thinking it normal to treat yourself this unkindly

 

Logistically I can't find the childcare, or finance to attend a course to get me back on track, so this is down to me, and I won't lie, building my own confidence and self esteem feels daunting but I'm sure it's do-able.

 

I will end however asking you when the last time was that you told yourself well done? Can't remember? Well listen here, well done for today, well done for being the best you could be for getting through the day and being the brilliant person you are.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted with Blogsy by The Monkeyfooted Mummy

Gratitude Through Disaster

This is how our house looks right now...

It could seem like I've not much to be grateful for, but I beg to differ. It turns out that in times of need the reasons to be grateful shine through...

• A good insurance policy
• Free cocktails from a sympathetic hotel
• Cooked breakfasts
• Kind friends
• Offers of assistance
• Supportive words
• Late summer sun
• A good builder 
• A tidy builder
• The offer of washing and ironing
• Children who take things in thier stride
• A brilliant laundry service
• Tea from a pot
• School lunches that the kids enjoy
• Church playgroup

My Worst Enemy

It's 5.24am and I'm feeding Termite for the second time tonight, I'm recovering from a bout of sudden and nasty Mastitis so feeling a bit run down and  I'm thinking, as I know you all do, how much more sleep I can get before we start our day at about 7am. I'm also making a mental list of all of the things I need to do, and then stressing because at 5 weeks Termite is obviously still rather needy, I have 6 school runs to do every day and the time in between never seems long enough to manage anything productive.

At this point I try to remind myself that I'm putting on a wash every day, emptying and reloading my dishwasher, cooking or preparing 3 meals a day and keeping the mess to the minimum (most days). These are all achievements, small ones, but as I have been reminded they are still achievements.

After spending this evening chatting, about how to be more organised and how long it will take to get back to normal, with a group of mums I've never met but have known for over a year, I feel better but have been told in no uncertain terms that at 5 weeks I shouldn't be worrying about working, being perfect or having amazing organisation and routine yet. I'm reminded how kind these ladies are, how over the last year we have between us had immense reasons to celebrate but also suffered losses and grief and through it all we have been on our respective keyboards a great source of support for each other.

This leads me to the reason for this post's title, I am my own worst enemy, I am very critical of myself, I hate to ask for help and I expect a lot of myself. I think in this respect I am actually the same as most mums out there. We are not kind to ourselves and we should be, we should be celebrating our awesomeness and building each other up. I know we all judge ourselves and compare ourselves to others, most of us also probably judge others, but that's a different post, and I know most of us would find ourselves lacking when in truth we are not.

So today I think we should all pat ourselves on the back for being awesome. We brought life into this world and we work from morning to night trying our hardest to provide the right diet, the right amount of exercise, the right type and amount of discipline, the right parenting style..... my days the list is endless but we do it and we do it to the best of our abilities and for that we deserve a great big high five. So the next time I find myself standing in judgement of myself I'm going to try to remember this post and list some things I have achieved that day even if, like a wise fellow mum said to me today, its only that we managed to survive ;-)