Dear Apple, I hate you

Years ago I remember watching an episode of the Simpsons, where the world is enslaved by their ipods...

Oh how I laughed back then happily in love with with my Samsung flip phone unaware that   all these years later the prophecy would be true (ish) and that  I would have spent hundreds of pounds on iphone, iPhone repairs, iPhone BLOODY CHARGERS and hours upon hour upon HOURS trying to figure out the effing CLOUD!

Does anyone actually understand it? I once sent all my phone photos to it then deleted them from my phone only to discover they had gone from icloud and I had to do an emergency recovery to put all the photos back on my phone which effectively meant I have had no storage on my phone since about 3 months after I got it!

The battery life on the 5c is so shockingly bad that I need to charge it 3 times a day so I really have just bought a really clever LANDLINE!

And why oh why oh why do I have to perform 35 million app updates a day and then  a special update every few months from your good selves, APPLE, which requires 5gb of my 8gb phone storage. Who dear lord who in their infinite wisdom thought that was clever?

Well I'm sorry dear Apple my iphone and I have decided to file for separation, I have found another phone and he loves me enough to provide, unlimited cloud storage and a fabulous 32gb of internal goodness, he takes a cracking photo and is never to bloated for movie making! His name is Sony and I think we shall be rather happy!