I'm utterly blessed and totally happy with my lot in life, but the strangest things can make me yearn for more babies...
Taking pictures of this car seat for eBay and I was smacked in the face with heart filling memories of bringing my big two home from the hospital.
Peanut, squashed into her chair in her specially planned 'going home outfit' which was too big and looked bonkers. Us Filled with excitement and fear, joy and nerves that we were now parents!
The golden child, hoyed (another great Geordie term, it means chucked, obviously I didn't literally chuck him though you understand) into his chair in a hastily picked romper because I was aching to get home and we hadn't planned to be in hospital. This time not quite as nervous and feeling happier than a pig in mud despite the overwhelming task ahead of having two children under 19 months!
And Termite, well she never got her journey home because she arrived in a perfect home birth in our bedroom.
But those memories so vivid and clear in my mind, memories we won't repeat with a fourth made me tearful and joyous all at once! How strange the human heart is to feel such emotion from looking at the teen tiny settings on a baby car seat!
To ache for that secret bond of the growing life inside or to know that those blissful, tiring, endless night feeds are firmly in the past, that there will be no more first steps or first words. But despite that ache and that sadness I know that my three will be providing a million more first , and celebrations and sleepless nights, hugs, crying and lots and lots of love.
On holiday recently I felt 'the brood' again when i saw lots of ladies with perfectly beautiful bumps, enjoying a break before the big day arrives, and it can be a strong feeling even though Im lucky and blessed and happy and content, something inside would still love to do it again, sometimes I feel sad that the days of teny dangly legged babies have gone, that there wont be another 'first steps movie to mke.
On holiday recently I felt 'the brood' again when i saw lots of ladies with perfectly beautiful bumps, enjoying a break before the big day arrives, and it can be a strong feeling even though Im lucky and blessed and happy and content, something inside would still love to do it again, sometimes I feel sad that the days of teny dangly legged babies have gone, that there wont be another 'first steps movie to mke.
So while my bloodiness may never quite disappear I'll just go with these yearnings brought on by random things and remember with my rose tinted specs how amazing my baby days were and how fabulous my kids make our life and I will try (whilst repeating 'I will parent with peace and calm over and over) to absorb embrace and enjoy every single crazy, hard, happy, laughter filled, messy, funny, heartfilling moment of our toddlerhood, tweendom and teenage years
Oh I have been feeling so broody lately too and I swore I would have no more. I honestly think that my family is complete but I feel sad when I think I won't be pregnant again, or have a newborn again xx
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