My 40 by 40 Bucket List

Today I turned 39, and it dawned on my that I have been planning my 'things to do in my 40th lead up' for almost 2 years, since before my last birthday in fact,  thinking all the while that I had loads of time! Well now I'm in that year here is my final (or maybe nearly final) Bucket list for the next 365 days.....

1. Wing walk
2. Do something amazing for charity
3. Visit St Marys Light House
4. See the wildlife at The Farne Islands 
5. Visit somewhere I've never been abroad
6. Visit somewhere I've never been in the UK
7. Camp out 
8. Try a new food
9. Organise a blog conference
10. Become a size 14 
11. complete couch to 5k
12. Run a great North run
13. Swim in an open water swim
14. Carry out 40 random acts of kindness
15.  Meet 40 new people
16. Learn enough Greek to hold a conversation
17. Live somewhere new
18. Learn to meditate
19. Hold a proper plank for 3 minutes
20. Climb a tree
21. Throw a party
22. Meet someone famous (I have no idea how I will manage this)
23. Have more girls nights out
24. Make a dress on the sewing machine
25. Re-upholster a chair
26. Crochet a blanket
27. Knit a hat
28. Grow a Cucmber plant (I will not be defeated!)
29. Master a perfect Yorkshire pudding
30. Learn the yoga headstand (I've been influenced by a pal on this one)
31. Zip Line somewhere fantastic
32. Work on my self belief (not a tangible one but important none the less
33. Volunteer some of my time
34. Sail something (kayak, ship, yacht?!?!?!)
35. Have a night at the bingo!
36. Stay at Smiths Hotel again 
37. Read 40 books!
38. Cycle 40 km
39. Create at least 40 new Vlogs for my YouTube Channel
40. Think of a reason to be cheerful every single day (I'd love if you joined in with this)

Memories of The Baby Days (or Haze!)

I'm utterly blessed and totally happy with my lot in life, but the strangest things can make me yearn for more babies...

Taking pictures of this car seat for eBay and I was smacked in the face with heart filling memories of bringing my big two home from the hospital.

Peanut, squashed into her chair in her specially planned 'going home outfit' which was too big and looked bonkers. Us Filled with excitement and fear, joy and nerves that we were now parents!

The golden child, hoyed (another great Geordie term, it means chucked, obviously I didn't literally chuck him though you understand)  into his chair in a hastily picked romper because I was aching to get home and we hadn't planned to be in hospital.  This time not quite as nervous and feeling happier than a pig in mud despite the overwhelming task ahead of having two children under 19 months! 

And Termite, well she never got her journey home because she arrived in a perfect home birth in our bedroom. 

But those memories so vivid and clear in my mind, memories we won't repeat with a fourth made me tearful and joyous all at once! How strange the human heart is to feel such emotion from looking at the teen tiny settings on a baby car seat! 

To ache for that secret bond of the growing life inside or to know that those blissful, tiring, endless night feeds are firmly in the past, that there will be no more first steps or first words. But despite that ache and that sadness I know that my three will be providing a million more first , and celebrations and sleepless nights, hugs, crying and lots and lots of love.

On holiday recently I felt 'the brood' again when i saw lots of ladies with perfectly beautiful bumps, enjoying a break before the big day arrives, and it can be a strong feeling even though Im lucky and blessed and happy and content, something inside would still love to do it again, sometimes I feel sad that the days of teny dangly legged babies have gone, that there wont be another 'first steps movie to mke.

So while my bloodiness may never quite disappear I'll just go with these yearnings brought on by random things and remember with my rose tinted specs how amazing my baby days were and how fabulous my kids make our life and I will try (whilst repeating 'I will parent with peace and calm over and over) to absorb embrace and enjoy every single crazy, hard, happy, laughter filled, messy, funny, heartfilling moment of our toddlerhood, tweendom and teenage years

Am I A Bad Daughter

Im crying big fat tears (you may know this is not the first blog post I have started like that) Ive just read this post from Glennon Doyle Melton  she is one of my most favourite writers, a real honest hasnt got all the answers mam (or mom technically) she is also an addict (or has suffered with addiction) and talks honestly about it, so there in lies the problem you see. She writes amazingly but as I can tell you that eing the daughter of an addict not in recovery is painful and reading this post has broken me! I have big fat tears rolling off my face and soaking my top ! Peant has just come to me asnd asked

P- Mammy why are you crying
M-Mammy just feels sad, its ok though sometimes that happens (remember Im trying  following the honest and open path  with the kids)
P-Why are you sad
M-I was just thinking about my mammy
P-Whats wrong with her
M-Nothing baby, I just miss her a bit
P-Then go see her
M-Ah she doesn't want to see me just yet
P-Why though just ring her and say you miss her

How easy life is when you are small!

So my Mam hasn't seen us in over 6 years, we have a horrible dysfunctional relationship and it has been reduced to me sending texts to check she is OK and nothing more. She doesn't want to see us and whenever I try to make plans she doesn't show and I feel guilty having let this happen but...

• Its easier to not being confronted risk the addiction fuelled nastiness 
• Its easier to protect my babies from the messiness
• its easier to protect my heart from the sadness
• Its easier not to face the disappointment that years of providing support and joinin her in meetings hasn't helped
• Its easier not to face the knowledge that I can not fix her
• Its easier to not have to explain that Nana didnt show again because she cant fight

But is this how she feels

'So, there was this one night in college when things were really bad. I was so sick and couldn’t really function and I felt so lost and broken. I was failing out of school and I’d just hurt so many people, so many times. And there is this thing that addicts think at times like these and it goes like this: This is IT. I’ve run out of tries. I can’t ask for forgiveness again. I’m out of forgiveness. I’ve used up so much more than my fair share. I should do everyone I love a favour and just disappear.' (Glennon Doyle Melton

Does she feel like she ran out of tries, have I made her feel like that, should I be trying more?

'THERE IS NO RUNNING OUT OF TRIES. LIFE IS FOREVER TRIES. Every heartbeat is proof that you’ve got another try. Listen to me: If your people are tired of you, find some new people.'

Have I become a bad daughter should I give her more tries? I feel guilty and cross and angry and sad and emotional that she should have more tries but it hurts and its hard and.... well I don't have the words  to explain it. Am I selfish,  Am I awful?

I have no ending for this post, I was moved to write something after reading Glennon's post, I was moved to get out the words and emotions but it didn't bring a conclusion just confusion

The Lion Gaurd New Toy Launch

I love The Lion King and now my kids do too and they are loving the spin off series of The Lion Gaurd

The Lion Guard is an amazing TV series for little ones based on the classic Lion King movies. The series follows Kion, the youngest child of Simba, as he follows in his dad’s footsteps and protects the beautiful Pride Lands.

You can imagine they were happy to get stuck into the latest range of toys just newly launched on 2nd July. Heres our video 

The toys just launched on 2nd of July and there is  much excitement in the toy world they are expected to be very popular! Toys available are 

• Defend the Pride Lands Play Set –includes Kion figure and six interactive features RRP £39.99
• Mini Figures - A blind bag containing a collectible figure from the show, there is even a limited edition rare figurine for children to hunt down! RRP £2.49. 
• Figures are also available in a set with accessories. Kids can collect up to four different characters and accessories including Kion and a topping wall! RRP £9.99
• Lion Gaurd 5 pack, RRP £12.99

As you can see from our unboxing video the kids loved the toys and they encourage fab imaginative play.Toys are available from Flair Plc

Join in with the #LionGaurdToys twitter party on 6th July at 1pm just follow @UkMumsTv

Hotter Shoes Review and Giveaway

Right off I will tell you that I though Hotter shoes were for older women. I mean anyone who sells shoes based on comfort being priority has to be for oldies right? Ladies and Gentlemen you have to dispell the myth, shoes can be lush and comfy at the same time! Hotter are a brilliant brand and I found my recent trip to an event in their Newcastle store really eye opening.

Its kinda brave to let this many Bloggers loose in a shoe shop!!!

The store is all natural tones, comfy chairs, all built at the perfect height to try on shoes, its full of lovely displays. The staff are well trained in helping find the best and right shoe for you and they are really knowledgeable, I've got to tell you the helpfulness even extended to someone fastening my shoes for me! I was somewhat taken aback but I could totes get used to that kind of service.

The shop is stocked with something for every occasion, dressy shoes, wedges, flats, sports, walking and even the traditional and original hotter shoe! 

Before we went along I had been stalking the website (as you do) and  I couldn't decide if I should go for flats or high. I  had my eye on these lovely platforms



and these comfy looking sandals

, 

after much deliberation and the trying of many many shoes ....

Many shoes being tried on by sofa stories' Suzanne

I finally went for these..

And for my birthday (which is in FOUR DAYS if you are reading this dear husband) I'm hoping to find this lovely ranger bag to match in my pile of presents (by pile I mean one pahahah)

and maybe even these sandals too...

Right then, on to my shoes, which I have worn every single night on our recent holiday, so I'm a fan of wedges anyway as I find them easier to walk in than heels, but these babies are so amazing! first of all they don't clump! Do you know when you get a heavy wedge and you sound like you are stomping around? Well these make hardly any noise at all, they are practically made of air (well full of it anyway) they are really light and they have a rubber sole so its like walking on a foam shoe, but far more stylish.

And the perfect mam seal of approval? I can run in them! I know right? So when Termite decided she wanted to escape I just legged it after her and it was like wearing trainers (I'm writing this with my 'I kid you not its really true you have to try it' face on)

After we had chosen our shoes we were introduced to the brand and I found out some fab stuff, heres a history of the brand first of all
1959 Thomas and Harriet Houlgrave set up a slipper making business
1990s Second generation Stewart Houlgrave takes over the business
1996 Launch of mail order
1999 Purpose built call centre opened
2002 1st retail store opens in Southport, UK
2003 £6m investment in new factory in North West England
2004 Introduction of www.hotter.com
2007 Further £1m investment in robotic production lines
2009 Re-launch of UK website
2010 Launch of first national TV advertising campaign and Hotter USA 2011
25th Hotter store opens
2013 50th Hotter store opens in Milton Keynes, UK
2014 We launch into Germany with a dedicated website and catalogue
2015 We win a Queen’s Award For Enterprise and are named UK Manufacturer Of The Year!

Hotter now have more than 75 stores nationwide 

And the reason they are so amazing ?

'Hotter shoes are lighter than you’ll believe – with air bubble filled soles. Super soft leathers are breathable, pliable and simply an indulgent treat for toes. Flexible soles include special grooves that yield and support your feet as you walk and pillows of cushioning create a slipper like feeling underfoot. That’s the #comfortconcept! Seamless. Ageless. Appealing to every sense. Hotter designers create shoes that are made specifically for British feet, on British lasts. Every pair is tested to ensure the perfect fit'

I cant wait to get my hands on some of their boots for autumn (as if we are even going to get a summer eh?) and I'm super pleased to tell you the lovely Hotter team have offered me a fabulous prize for one of you lucky lot... a handbag of your choice (stock permitting) simply fill in the rafflecopter below.

You can connect with Hotter on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

To The Person Who Fat Shamed My Pal...

I really wanted to take a calm and reasoned approach to writing this post but I'm afraid I failed miserably. Fat Shaming is most horrid but its horrid times a billion when you do it to someone 8 weeks post partum! Yep my love when you look at someone carrying a teeny tiny baby and laugh at their tummy, YOU ARE JUST MEAN!

This is my amazing pal

and her equally lovely family

Let me tell you when she told me that someone  fat shamed her I was stunned! On a post about my training she said 

 'You're doing brilliantly Karen! I should come and join you!  I was fat shamed today  😡
they asked if I was going to have another baby. I replied with my standard "I will if you do" to which she said "no, I mean you look like you are already going to have another baby! " and pointed at my 8 week post-partum belly whilst giggling. 😡/😢

Yip, I felt really REALLY good about myself ' 😔  

I was really cross but I kept quiet, then when she bravely stood up on facebook to say how it upset her, 

after reading this I knew I wanted to say some shit! Here goes...

Let me tell you about my mate, my mate is a life saver (like an actual saver of lives) she is an awesome mam, a gorgeous person, she is kind and generous and she brought me soup, biscuits and cleaned my kitchen when I had mastitis and my transplant was rejecting all at the same time! She bakes an awesome cake, cooks a rockingly good ANYTHING, she puts her family at the forefront of everything going as far as working night shift then not going to bed until 12 hours later and playing awesome games and taking her kids to clubs and activities when most of us would hoy on cbeebies and chuck sweets at them until it was bed time! She is lush and she is my mate, she would actually be my (non husband sharing) sister wife if ever there was a house big enough to accommodate us in our 'it takes a village commune'

Let me tell you some things I have assumed about you dear fat shamer... 

• You have no manners, I'm not even sorry for saying it! Anyone who tells a woman she looks pregnant again 8 weeks after she gave birth is rude, plain and simple. EVERYBODY knows the rules. If she has a newborn you tell her she looks great even is she is covered in sick and crap and snot and her boob is hanging out because she is so sleep deprived she forgot to lop it back in (but in that instance it is not rude to whisper in her ear and tell her the ladies are on display)
• You may not be aware of certain biological post baby issues, mostly after giving birth women won't ovulate until at least 21 days, that is three weeks, even if she got pregnant right then she would be only 5  weeks and let me tell you nobody, not even me with my ginormous tanker size pregnancy belly would be showing any kind of bump at 5 weeks  so your comment was blatantly just set out to cause pain
• Its none of your beeswax if she is up the stick or not! Until she volunteers the information DO NOT ASK
• Your opinion shouldn't matter but it does so you should be careful what you say
• You need a hug, truly you need someone to tell you you are great because you obviously have some insecurities if you need to exude such meanness to others
• You are forgiven, but please never ever be unkind to my mate again, half of my mam mates have become rather mafia like in their protection of this kind funny sweet lass and I really would not mess with them ! So yes we forgive you because it appears you are just an unhappy and bad mannered troubled soul, perhaps if you are reading this you may well change your ways very soon
• Be Kinder, compliment people, tell them they look good, they have nice shoes or you like their hair,  ANYTHING at all just start spreading some love about and it may make you feel better
• Lastly,  from now on if your words are not nice, keep them in your gob!

Mamakamba we love you 

Happy 10th Wedding Anniversary to My Man

This week I want to share  how thankful I am for my lovely husband, today we celebrate 10 years of marriage (10 years ago almost to the exact minute!)

He is no touchy feely hearts and flowers  guy, grand gestures and declarations of love are not his style, but he is my rock, my hero, my protector and provider and he makes me laugh every day, I swear that's how he won my heart!

He has coped through many years and tantrums (all mine) during 3 pregnancies. He has supported me in giving up my career, helped me adjust to a life without it, shown good humour and brilliant kindness during many long hard nights of sleeplessness and occasionally shows pure perfect affection in surprising ways, like the first night home with Peanut when he prepared an indoor picnic which we ate in bed all snuggled together, 

I'm grateful that 15 years ago I decided to go along to a night out with a friends work, for that night changed my life and led to this very lovely child filled messy chaotic and fabulous life we have now!