Right now, right at this very moment, I'm taking my youngest and last child to school, I'm expected to smile brightly and walk away from her and leave her. This is no biggie really, I have in fact been away from her for more than three hours more than once, maybe even a dozen times. BUT! But this time its the beginning of forever, this is it every single term day for the next, at least 13 years, she is expected to go to school. I wont lie as I wrote this I had big fat tears rolling down my face and off my chin, I have spent most of yesterday crying silently while we snuggled and hid and built tents and watched movies. I feel cheated, like time went too fast and now its too late to claw back the baby years. They are gone and yet she is just barely 3 years old, so fiercely independent and yet so velcro like in her comfort zone. She is happiest tucked into the side of either Daddy or I
I want to scream and shout and tell her teachers that I don't give a F*ck how lush they are, how their kids are summer babies too, how they say they understand I honestly couldn't give a flying sh**e if you are Mary bloody Poppins, in my head not one single human on this planet could possibly feel the way I feel about having all three of my children away from me, no one not a single person could have ever possibly felt like this, there isn't anyone who could care about my offspring like me least of all a complete stranger (please note I know this is not true and her teachers are lovely but I AM NOT RATIONAL RIGHT NOW)
And how does Termite feel?.....
She is excited about using the loo? So I get it, she is fine, she is ace and happy and looking forward to playing with her pals. She proably couldn't give a hoot that our days together are changing forever and my rational brain is happy about that but man alive I'm almost hysterical in my worry that she is just too young, she just needs to be with me, she doesn't need school yet.
So monkeyfeet fans leave me a comment tell me how you coped with this, et me know there is light at the end of my hysterical tunnel....
Hope it goes ok lovely xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm in bits reading this. I didnt go through this as bad as you as when my son went to school I was blissfully unaware that he would be my only child. The second has never happened and now I feel cheated like you that I didn't cherish the time enough before every little milestone now I know he'll be my only child. I always thought I'd get to do it again. However, its now time for the next little series of firsts for them and my next milestone is a school residential visit in 4 weeks time! 2 nights away with no contact at all. No idea what the hell I'm going to do while he's away.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how much they tell me he's going to love it, he's just too little!!! He's only just gone 8! :-(
Anwyay, she'll be home soon for that big hug from you. xxx
Aww! Bless you! Sending love and hugs. I hope it went well...
ReplyDeleteThings will get easier x