Win a £50 M&S Giftcard

I've been working recently with the Newcastle Building Society, researching Buy to Let Mortgages (you can read about it here) but also getting to know how this lovely company are moving forward whilst still holding on to local values and and traditions.

When we were young we spent weekends getting our pocket money then taking at least half of it with our savings books to our local Branch of The Newcastle to put the money in our accounts. Now obviously things have moved on since then and you can save for your kids in all sorts of ways you can even catch up with The Newcastle on Facebook or Twitter for all their latest news

To help you save some pennies this Christmas The Newcastle have provided a £50 M and S voucher for one of you lucky readers, meaning you can treat yourselves saving your money to get your little dears started on their saving journe. With rates of up to 2.1% and a bonus for regular deposits, you'll get them started on the road to riches (or at least a nice big pot for their first flat) in no time.

 

There are loads of ways to enter, just be sure to follow the instructions carefully or your entries wont count.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Depression in Pregnancy

Yep you've read the title and I will guess you are still reading this for one of three reasons

• You can't understand how anyone could feel depressed during pregnancy

• You've suffered from feelings of depression, emptiness and loneliness in pregnancy and you want to know you aren't alone. 

• You know me and you think 'she never seemed depressed' and now you are curious.

So when I was pregnant with Peanut I wanted children soooo much and I was sooooo happy that spending days sobbing silently came as a big shock, I felt so lonely and sad but I had so many reasons to be happy. Baby on the way , fab husband, great job, great house! But still the feelings of sadness crept in followed by feelings of guilt then feelings of panic. It got so bad one day that the husband had to turn the car around on the way to a shopping trip and bring me home so I could literally curl into a ball and sob that I was awful horrible and didn't deserve to have children if I was so sad during pregnancy. My stress levels were through the roof.

Things were slightly better with The Golden Child at first but half way through it all started again. With Termite mostly it was just stress with only small amounts of the sadness.

Here's the thing though, apart from the Mr I've told no one about this until yesterday when I got this message

 'Is it ok to just want to stay in bed all day, completely alone and crying? 

I feel like a shit person, shit wife, shit mum, shit everything. 

How can I feel so low and sad when I should be so happy? 

What should I do?'

I should say I've had this post written for months but never could bring myself to publish it,I feel guilty admitting I was ever anything but blissed out when I was growing my baby.  I'm publishing it today to help my pal feel less alone  but also to help anyone else who's been keeping it to themselves.

I sent my pal a long  message I've taken bits out but this is part of it ...

'I don't tell many this but whilst I love pregnancy being a slave to my hormones means sadness and emptiness are common feelings for me followed by guilt for not being filled with joy!'

And we chatted more she asked what I did, I said I talked to my man who's answer is always 'you'll be fine', oddly frustrating but it always really helps me to hear him say it. Lord help me The day he meets my stress with 'oh my god what the heck are we gonna do' I may explode!

So here's the thing, ages ago I was told by someone I knew that they were refused their adoption application because the wife suffered from Bi-polar.She hadn't come off her meds or been non compliant in over 15 years but that tag on her medical file stayed with them. Because of that and because adoption is something we had talked about so I felt a huge pressure to never tell anyone how I was feeling during my pregnancy especially not my midwife! I didn't want that on my records, I couldn't be the person who spoiled our plans. The truth is I'm not sure it would have had any bearing on an adoption application but the fear gets to you. 

But more than that I felt guilty and ashamed, how could I possibly say that I felt depressed when there are people in the world desperate for babies, is that not like rubbing salt in their wounds, and if I say out loud that my pregnancy isn't all I expected and for no reason at all I want to shut the door and stay inside some days then will someting bad happen to my baby?

Yes these were the thoughts in my head! And a quick request on facebook to see if anyone else felt the same saw me recieve plenty of messages from people who had. Claire from Emmy'sMummy   worried so much during her pregnancy because of previous miscarraiges that she didnt feel able to enjoy the pregnancy, but also felt so guilty feeling like that especially in light of all the extra help and support she had had from medical staff that she never said anything, lots more messages and the theme is always the same 'I felt guilty and ashamed'. I even heard  'My midwife put it down to hormones' more than once, if you feel like its more than that you must say so, there is no gain from suffering alone. It turns out that between 8-20% of women suffer pre natal depression, now I figure thats the women who admit to it and actually that number is larger

There are so many reasons you can feel depressed, maybe like me you willsuffer crippling   SPD and spend your time stuck in alone feeling more and more isolated, or you are a slave to your hormones and cant shake of those blues, perhap previous miscarraige casts a shadow or you just cant pinpoint any reason. Because there sometimes aren't any. The thing is no amount of reasoning discounts the importance of talking about it, tell someone, speak to your midwife or health visitor and if they don't help see a doctor, talk to your family and friends. We will never break the taboo surrounding depression, at any time of life, unless we start talking about it and shaking off the shame.

Being depressed does not make you ungrateful or undesserving of your pregnancy and it doesnt make you a bad parent, saying out loud 'this isn't how I thought it would be' will not mean something bad should or will happen to you, but talking about it is the first step to feeling better and getting help

So if you feel like this please talk to someone and if you have a pal who feels like this let her know you are there to listen, you arent judging and she is not alone. We need to stand together to feel stronger 

While researching Prenatal depression I found these websites helpful and I hope they will help others too PANDAS and TOMMYS

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and any experience you have. 

My Favourite Places in Newcastle

I was recently asked by Travelodge to share my favourite place in Newcastle, it sounded Really easy, we have places we visit over and over again so we must have a favourite right?

Not quite! We couldn't decide on one so here are our top five Newcastle favourites from Monkeyfeet HQ 

Tyne Theatre and Opera House
A beautiful traditional Theatre right next to Newcastle's China Town. The Tyne are host to a huge range of shows from family favourites like cat in the hat, ballet, opera to one person shows from big names like Sarah Millican and Gino D'acampo. We love a visit here so the kids have this as one of their top days out.

Northern Stage 

I make no secret that Northern Stage is one of my favourite theatres to visit, a quite modern building they offer productions created totally in house as well as touring productions from around the country. Our favourites here are their family Christmas shows which we visit every year.This years ofeerigs of Up and Out Christmas Sprout and Wizard of Oz are sure to be amazing.

Life Science Centre

A guaranteed fun day out learning all there is about life, with lots of exhibits and plenty of hands on experiences and experiments this is always a first choice for a boredom buster! The Centre houses a soft play and toddler zone, a cafe, gift shop and various exhibitions throughout the year. With loads of friendly knowledgeable staff on hand to answer questions or help out with the experiments.

Ouseburn Farm Cafe 

I discovered this cafe just recently when I found myself with an hour to kill in the Ouseburn  Valley in Newcastle. The farm houses a small range of animals and a beautiful allotment full of home grown produce and the cafe make almost everything themselves and are priced surprisingly low. two giant cups of tea a savoury pastry and a slice of delicious cake came in under £5! The cafe provide training for adults with additional needs as well as a great resource for local families to learn about farming and growing. I would highly recommend a visit to while away an afternoon.

The Millenium Bridge
It may sound strange as its not a place to eat or even do any activities but we love a stroll along the quayside across the Millenium Bridge, no matter how many times the kids see the 'eye blink' they, and me i will admit, are still amazed. Its a beautiful sight at night  too and an amazing spot for people watching

What are your favourite places to visit in Newcastle? Id love to hear about them 

This is a collaborative post

Buy to Let, Should We?

I've made no secret that our financial planning for our Golden Years has been a little lax, and so we've been looking at ways to feather our nest for the future.

One idea we keep coming back to is buying a property to let out, saving the profit from rental income and also having a property in years to come which we can sell off or move into.

But there are so many questions surrounding this, most importantly is will we make enough to make this a viable pension plan?

But we also need to consider the type of property we want to buy, so far we've looked mostly at flats and apartments as they seem easier to rent out, but then should we look at something we might want to down size to in the future? Maybe a wee bungalow or cottage.Ater all we arent going to need a big family house forever are we?

• Do we need to employ a letting agent or should we save that commission charge and do it all ourselves?
• What if the tenant doesn't pay? We watch these documentaries about repossession from tenants who owe thousands in rent and its a scary thought!
• What are our legal obligations?
• What about tax?
• would it be better to buy a larger property in the hope that a family would move in and stay long term? rather than potentially have to re let every 6-12 months.

Well all of these questions have made for lots of debate at Monkeyfeet HQ, and searching Google brings up as many nightmare stories as it does success, as is the way with Google! Thankfully help has come from a local source. The Newcastle Building society have produced a guide to becoming a landlord, including printable checklist, and you all know I love a checklist!

Theres information about tax implications and what your responsibilities are as well as a guide to read through before you make the decision.

So I think we've pin pointed certain things to think about in our 'nest feathering plan'

1. We need to choose a location that has plenty of interest from potential tenants, but also is somewhere we would consider for one of the kids to love, because lets face it they may need help getting on the ladder when the time comes
2. We need to make sure we are declaring any property income on our tax return, any rofit from this is of course taxable and I know people have have fallen foul of thinking it doesnt need to be declared.
3. Theres lots of property safety checks and security checks to carry out and because of this its probably best for us as newbies to go through an agent rather than go it alone. Maybe in the future when we have more confidence we can look at running the show, but not yet.
4. We really need somewhere that isn't going to need lots of repairs and work as we don't really have the time or budget for that.

So with all that in mind I guess its time to start viewing some potential properties!

Are you a landlord or a tenant? What would your advice be Id love to hear either perspective. Especially any tips or hints you can offer?

Error 404 at Northern Stage

We love a trip to the Theatre I'm sure you have guessed already, so we were happy to have the chance to see two shows this half term, today's offering was  Error 404 at Northern Stage

The show is aimed at ages 8 and up but our party are 5, nearly 6 and nearly 7 and they sat perfectly enthralled through the whole show. Daniel Bye plays the part of a ten year old boy who loses his best pal, filled with sadness and emptiness he comes home from a particularly awful school day to find a package from his mum. Inside is a robot! Could this be his pal? Is it possible?

 

Th show is part scripted and part audience directed so I cant tell you exactly what will happen when you go, but we had some great suggestions from the audience creating some very interesting ideas.

My three guests today said 'we felt sad, happy, and thought it was really good but didn't like the sadness as it made us want to cry'  

I loved watching the show and found myself getting involved in the decisions too! At an hour long its just perfectly timed for anyone over 5 or 6yrs I would say. Its easy to follow is very much like listening to a story as there is only one performer and so is perfect for our little people but very cleverly performed so as not to be boring.

The show will be at Northern Stage on Friday 30th October at 11am and 2pm and is well worth a visit if you can get there, you can book with box office on 0191 2305151,  if not the tour can be seen on Friday 27th November, 10.30am + 1.30pm; Saturday 28th November, 11.30am + 2.30pm, ARC, Stockton. Tickets here

Domestic Abuse - It Is Time To Walk Away

I want to say before you start reading that this is not strictly my normal type of post, and contains subject matter I never thought I would publish, however this post is coming from my heart and was spurned by a ferocious feeling that meant I've had to allow a cooling off period before I pressed publish, and every time I have tried to proof read this I've done so through tear blurred eyes, but if you read this and you think it can help anyone please share it. Ok enough pre-emptive waffle.......

I have very strong feelings on how to deal with domestic violence. DO NOT TOLERATE IT! But before anyone jumps up and tells me how its not so easy, I KNOW. I have watched my mum move from one violent or abusive partner to another, you see my mum is an alcoholic (there's the bit I never thought I would say, but the reasons for that are in a currently unpublished post about why we don't keep secrets) now this brings with it a whole host of issues and one of those is her need to not be alone,  a codependent need so strong she would rather be with someone who belittled her and hurt her physically and mentally, than be alone. I've watched this and thankfully it has made me very single minded in my conviction that I would never tolerate such treatment, thankfully there's only one person who ever attempted it and he was promptly put in his place and removed from my life (not in any gruesome or illegal way you understand!) but I'm lucky, its not always the case

4.6 million Women have experience domestic abuse (est)

2.5 Million men have experience domestic abuse (est)

1 report of domestic violence is made every minute

2 women a week will be killed by a partner or ex partner 

But I know that some folk have seen these things growing up and so it becomes the norm, somewhere in your deepest thoughts you believe this is normal and acceptable behaviour and you should just say nothing, they didn't mean it, they wont do it again. YOU Pushed them too far. This is absolutely not true, there is no excuse, you deserve love and respect and kindness and if this isn't your reality I beg of you, talk to someone, plan an escape. WALK AWAY. And when their words of apology and promises of a fresh start begin to wear you down please please hold this thought in the very front of your mind,

'what if it wasn't you who felt the demoralising insults, what if it wasn't you who reeled from the power of a slap or punch or kick? What if it was your daughter or son, sister or brother? What if you were standing as an adult watching this happen to your mother or father? What would you do, what would you say?'

Because believe me when I tell you his or her promises of never again, the assurances that it was just you, they would never harm a child. They may well believe that but they can't make those promises honestly, the only way to stop is to walk away, remove yourself, remove your children. You can be better and happier and less fearful without them no matter what they have led you to believe. And there will be bribery and wheedling. 'I'll lose the house, my job, the car if you report me' 'no one will believe you' its not true, none of that matters none of that is worth losing your life or watching your child lose theirs. You must be strong in your convictions and believe you are worth more, your life can be better, it will only get worse if you keep tolerating the abuse. You WILL NEVER CHANGE YOUR ABUSER, I'm sorry to be blunt but it is true YOU can not make them change no matter how much you want to believe you can.

Please please get help, please please know you are not alone, you are a warrior and you can win back your life, you have to love yourself enough to believe I am  rooting for you, I am willing you to be free because I know you can be and you should be.

You can read more information on staying safe here , you can call 999 in an emergency or 101 to ask for help or you can contact any of these people (taken from the Metropolitan Police Website)

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (24 hours) (opens new window) - 0808 2000 247.
• The National Centre for Domestic Violence (24 hours) (opens new window).
  Telephone 0800 9 70 20 70 - emergency free phone number.
  Telephone 0870 9220 704 - legal advice.
• National Victim Support (opens new window) - 0845 3 030 900.
• Women's Aid National (opens new window) - 0808 2000 247.
• Rights of Women (opens new window) - 020 7251 6577.
• Asian Women's Aid - 01494 446366.
• Asian Women's Helpline - 0800 0526 077.
  (Operators speak: Tamil, Punjabi, Hindi, Gujarati, and Bengali).
• Sahara Asian Women’s Project - 0118 9266 333.
• Rape Crisis (opens new window).
• Asian Family Counselling Service (opens new window) - 020 8567 5616.
• National Samaritans (opens new window) - 08457 90 90 90.
• Broken Rainbow Project (opens new window) (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) - 020 8539 9507.
• Northern Ireland Women's Aid Domestic Violence (opens new window) Helpline (open 24 hours) - 028 9033 1818.
• Scottish Domestic Abuse (opens new window) Helpline - 0800 027 1234.
• Wales Domestic Abuse (opens new window) Helpline - 0808 80 10 800.
• Shelter (opens new window) - 0808 8004 444.
• Elder abuse (opens new window) 0208 765 7000.
• Citizens Advice Bureau (opens new window).

Contacts for men experiencing domestic abuse

• Victim Support's Male Helpline (opens new window) - 0800 328 3623.
• The ManKind Initiative (opens new window) - 01823 334 244.
• The Dyn Wales/Dyn Cymru (opens new window) Helpline - 0808 801 0321.
• Male Advice and Enquiry Line (opens new window) - 0808 801 0327.

Contacts for domestic abuse offenders

• Changing Ways - 07818 054563 (only for men living in East Berkshire and Wokingham).
• Making Changes - 01635 264694 (only for men living in the West Berkshire (Newbury) area).
• Respect (opens new window) - 0845 1228 609.

What Blogging Means To Me

Why did I start blogging and what does it mean to me?

 

Well I started because of this lot...

And what does it mean? Well that's a bit more long-winded, let me explain the purpose of this post.

 

This morning I have to sit in front of a camera and talk about what blogging means to me, I'm doing this because I've been shortlisted in the North East Blogger Awards, Parenting Category. I'm not sure if I told you already? I did oh well in that case , just once more (pahahaha) ....

 

Ok back to the serious issue, anyone who knows me will tell you they think I'm self confident, but I'm really not, I have crippling stage fright I once went on a game show on TV and couldn't speak, I mean I could not say anything. I had all the answers in my head but I was frozen! I just looked like someone had pressed pause!

So the idea of telling a stranger with a camera what blogging means to me is terrifying to say the least.

With that in mind, just in case I come across as an amoeba brained fool, I'm going to write it here, then you'll all know.

Before I had kids, and even while I was pregnant, the idea of a 'mummy friend' seemed bonkers to me. I mean honestly why would I be friends with someone purely based on the fact that we both pushed a human from our body? That's just bonkers. And then I had a baby and discovered that motherhood is amazing and brilliant and rewarding and lovely AND, the loneliest place in the world sometimes. So I ventured to a group, and I made some mummy pals and you know what, they rock! Mummy pals (sorry I know there are dads who do the bulk of child rearing, who go to these groups but I've not encountered any in my groups, so for this post it's only Mummy's) don't get bored of hearing how tough your night was, or discussing the best weaning technique or how to stop baby biting you on the boob (true story!)

They don't want to roll their eyes when you talk about the upcoming baby event in Asda, or that John Lewis' clearance sale has a buggy at 70% off, they will gladly sniff your baby's bottom if there's an odour in baby sensory and you are across the room, they also understand that when you say your child has been a nightmare you aren't actually being mean or unreasonable you do still love them, they won't judge, and when you admit you ate take out again last night for the third time she won't judge, she'll nod knowing that that meant an hour less in the kitchen and ask where you ordered from!

Mummy friends are also the best source of information on purchases, I didn't know about microwave dummy sterilisers that double as storage or gro-blinds or insulated bottle carriers until a pal told me. She didn't know about Amber remedies, teething powders or the joy of The Wiggles ! So we share tips and swap sleep deprivation stories and that's when you realise that it does actually 'take a village to raise a child' and to me that's what this is, this community I have through my blog and my social media it's like a village, we share and learn we help each other out.

Alongside that, blogging is bringing back my confidence! Before kids I worked in a Theatre and would happily chat with anyone, I'd negotiate and deal with people with assertiveness and kindness. But taking a huge break from work shook my confidence a little, imagine if you will that was made worse by having another baby rather swiftly, by swiftly I mean I was pregnant before I went back to work! (sorry boss) so in the space of 3 years, maternity leave and pregnancy related sick leave meant I only worked around 4 months so my second return to work was harder again, I felt out of the loop, like an outsider and I found I couldn't even chat with visiting cast and then being forced to leave a job I had loved even though it was for an amazing reason affected me even more. So I found myself wondering if the old Me would return or was she gone forever.

Starting blogging has steadily brought back my professional confidence, I will happily negotiate with SEO and PR companies and network with brands and new people and let me tell you, 3 years ago that sentence would have brought me out in an icy sweat! I've made load of new friends and become part of a community so helpful and supportive that almost everyone is keen to share tips and help you achieve your goals. I've grown so much I've even helped create a network to support North East Bloggers!!

So in short, well it wasn't short at all, blogging makes me feel like I might make a difference even if it's just to one person and it's also helped me find the old me again. So without sounding too cheesy this nomination and being a blogger mean the world and I'm right honoured indeed

Now I'm off to have a soppy cry into my cuppa! Thanks for reading my waffle again and feel free to leave a comment so I don't feel like I'm rambling to no one ha ha.

 

Posted with Blogsy by The Monkeyfooted Mummy